The Modern Way to Get Back at Your Cheating Spouse

So, many of you may have now heard about whose tagline is “Life is Short, Have an Affair”(I would put a link, but, I’m pretty sure if you really want to go to that site, you don’t need my direction). It’s a website which explicitly exists as a match-making site for those interested in interactions in which at least one of the parties is already in a committed relationship with someone else. What you may not have heard of yet is (tagline: Don’t Be The Last to Know), in which wronged parties can post details about ex-paramours, for the purported purpose of “warning” others.

Would a suit for Libel stand against a poster on (Well, we know the answer if the allegation is true, but what if it’s not?) – Does it matter whether the individual who has been posted about is male or female (in terms of showing actual damage)? We’ve heard from social science and media over and over that while promiscuous behavior in men makes them “players” (at least a potentially positive attribute), women are more often dubbed “sluts.” Are women more hurt by such accusations online?

“Slut-shaming” is a whole different subject which I promise to post about some time soon – but in the meantime, I’ll be mulling over whether men or women are more hurt by sites like, and whether they might serve a legitimate purpose.

2 thoughts on “The Modern Way to Get Back at Your Cheating Spouse”

  1. You raise an interesting feminist issue here. Since this is libel, and not slander, no need to prove special damages, but having said that, there is still the image of harm to reputation. The dubious political resurrection of so many politicians who have cheated (Eliot Spitzer and Anthony Weiner come immediately to mind – not to mention a few past US Presidents) I see your point completely. I think false posts – particularly about women – could lead to sustainable law suits. I like to believe the same standard would apply to men.

  2. The concept of the value and the ingredients in a woman’s reputation is a facinating issue. I’ve often struggled with what seem to be diametrically-opposed expectations of my character, behavior, ambition, appearance, etc. Women are socialized in what seems to me to be a bizarre and confusing (not to mention unrealistic) society. I feel pressure to always look put-together but obviously in a manner in which it looks completely effortless. I feel pressure to “make something of myself” career-wise but to also breastfeed, cloth diaper, and make all of my kid’s baby-food from locally grown organic produce. And, I think that failing on any of these levels in a public way actually damages my reputation. To share a dark secret – I actually hesitated to post a photo of my son on a social media site because it would be obvious he was wearing a disposable diaper – I was genuinely concerned about what others would think of my parenting. Posting anything online seems to be precarious to me – but especially because so many things go into one’s reputation. I’m going to dig up some more on this and post later.

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